Why Do I Talk To Myself?

Hilarious picture I took of a advertisement while in australia in 2011.  "I didn't give a stuff"??

Somewhere along the way, I picked up this idea that if you talk to yourself, you're weird.  And more so, that if you answer, you're insane.  Or maybe you're on your way toward insanity. 

Now I know that's all a crock of shit.  The fact is, I now know that I'm an extroverted thinker.  I learned that because I self administered the Myers-Briggs test and learned I am an INTJ type.  

One of the attributes in my type - even though I'm an introvert - is that I'm prone to extroverted thinking.  So, what does this mean?

Well, for me, it means, I need to talk out loud about things.  Being an INTJ, I'm super excited about "ideas".  I love to play with things in my mind - the idea of things is very exciting.  Of course, I often wind up disenchanted because the reality of things seldom lives up to my grandiose ideas.

So, for me, being able to talk to myself (or others) is a pretty good way of coming back down to earth.  Being able to talk out loud is therapeutic for me.

I found kind of a crazy place to express myself - the dog park.  I've got 2 big dogs I love.  There's a huge dog park here in Portland, near the race track.  My dogs get to run and I get to walk - and talk to myself.  Talk out loud about ideas and try to sort through what my plan are, what I need to do.  Reason with myself. Sometimes I'll realize something, sometimes I won't.  I definitely try to avoid other people because I don't want them to think I'm crazy :)  All I'm doing is just working through my shit, giving voice to a problem.

A lot of what I write goes on tangents - like my thoughts.  So, here I go...

In David Deida's book "The Way Of The Superior Ma:, he mentions starting a male support group.  That idea has always sort of stuck with me.  To do it in person has felt a little scary.  Like maybe I'm not quite ready to have all these mirrors around me, reflecting my bullshit back to me.  So, maybe that's what this blog is about - finding others who might want to connect.

Do you talk to yourself?  Does it help?

First Post

I'm using this site as a place to understand where my occasional depression comes from and how to avoid it.  I'm a male scorpio INTJ and I've done a lot of self-help work over the years (I'm in my mid-40's now) in order to learn about myself and become a healthier person.

I hope this site can help others as am I hoping it will help me, by giving me a place to write, record, and take note.  I'm guessing there are some historical patterns that repeat themselves.

It's October 18, 2012 and just yesterday I felt a depression swing lift that I was in for about a week or two.  The things affecting me now were - disillusionment/lack of success with my work, serious questions about my relationship with my girlfriend - is she the right person for me, for example.  My house is also dirty, I have not vacuumed up after my dogs and I was sick of my garden.  I was also kind of bummed about the Orioles getting knocked out of the playoffs, but a losing sports team does not usually depress me :)

As I reflect on this round of gloominess, I notice there is an accumulation of things that make me feel overwhelmed.  Add to that a change in weather to more overcast and gray and I did not feel so hot.

While I was depressed, I returned to garden work, I began to take out tomato plants that are done for the year.  I also built another garden bed in a plot I'm managing across the street for our local co-op.  Yesterday, I scheduled a steam cleaner to clean my carpets, which will make a huge difference.  It's important to note that I don't take a lot of action while I'm feeling depressed - the garden bed and the steam cleaner were both done yesterday, AFTER I began to feel better.

I think that's all for now.  I'll check back in next time things start to shift.